Sound Advice #tbt

Once upon a time in the summer of 2001 . . .  I was 18 and living at home and working full time and hadn't finished high school.  I was debating moving out of my Mom's house and was battling with my boss at work.  We butted heads on a regular basis but usually resolved things by the end of the shift.  So I am on the phone with my gay best friend ranting about everything and he gives me the best advice ever:  "Hang up the phone.  Put on Alicia Keys. And clean something.  You know that's how you think best."

WHAT?!  He was 100% right.  I put on Songs in A Minor and started packing my room to move out.  My Mom came in and saw me packing and burst into tears and then we had a heart to heart.  Things didn't magically resolve themselves and I moved out at the end of the year - but we were on good terms and I was actually prepared to apartment hunt and be independent.  And my boss and I continued to drive each other crazy and fix it again. Until we stopped working together the following year.

Lots of things followed that summer when I was eighteen - 9/11 happened and shook everyone to the core.  The War on Terror started and my brother left West Point to go to Iraq.  I got my own apartment and my Mom moved to Lancaster PA.  I fell in love with the man I would marry and got my sweet dog Charlie.  I started a new job at a law firm and moved to a new apartment and we bought furniture from Ikea and spent weeks couch shopping.  Tim and I have had a billion ups and downs, 3 pregnancies, buying a house, an autism diagnosis, and countless other adventures.  I've been a runner, I've been depressed, and I have blogged.

Here I am - the summer I am 31 - and I am drawing on the advice from my gay best friend when I was 18.  "Put on Alicia Keys and clean something."  It really does help me think.  What else helps - reading.  Sitting down with a cup of coffee and writing.  Taking the dog for a walk.  Hiking.

I know I'm not the only one who doesn't know where they are going as an adult. The past year I have been trying to read more non-fiction.  I think learning about other people's lives is so interesting.  I read about people like Ultra-marathoner Scott Jurek, Olympic Runner and WWII POW survivor Louis Zamperini, Peter Jenkins and his dog Cooper who walked across America to find himself and his country, and John Krakauer who climbed Mt. Everest in 1996 and was witness to a devastating tragedy.  I read about Cheryl Strayed and David Miller aka AWOL and Bill Bryson.  I've learned I do want to thru-hike the AT and that I probably will never want to run 100+ miles in the desert.  I've learned that people can endure more than they would ever imagine and that finding yourself can happen in 1000 miles or at a chance encounter.

Green Smoothie Love

I've learned that I love green smoothies loaded with hemp protein and that searching #veganathlete on Instagram is motivating when I just want to crawl into bed with a beer and a stack of oreos.  I've learned that splurging on a personal trainer once a week is a great decision because it is an investment in my health and wellness.  I've learned that I need to take chances and push myself.  Put a bathing suit on and spend the day at the pool with my kids.  I've learned that a 6am hike on the AT is a great way to start any day - but its even better with more friends than there are bears.

5 miles on the AT for breakfast

I've learned that parenting is such a balancing act and that you aren't going to do it all right all the time.  I've learned that the past is something you should look back on fondly or shaking your head at the decisions you once made.  I've learned that its never too late to start something.  I've learned that its okay to let your blog go forever and then pick up again - just like all those journals I once started.

I've learned that its okay to ask for help when you are overwhelmed and that I have an amazing community here and I just keep finding new people I adore. I've learned that I want open shelving in my kitchen and that I will probably continue to have a stack of pallets in my backyard that may never realize their potential as shelves.  I've learned that I can grow plants from seeds but only when I can forget about them and just let them fend for themselves.

I've learned that the weight comes off slowly when you want to keep beer in your life.  But the weight will come off.  I've learned that I am strong - and I am continuing to get stronger, both mentally and physically.  Someday I will be pounding out push-ups and remembering how hard they had once been.  I've learned that my heart warms when my friends tag me or send me pins because they know me so well.  I've learned that taking chances are scary but that helping myself and others is greater than fear.

A group I really admire, City Fit Girls, is looking for ambassadors who are passionate about fitness, nutrition and wellness.  My darling friend Stacy thought of me and tagged me on Instagram and I immediately completed the form even though I am still so far from where I want to be.  And my meals don't look beautiful and I hate taking selfies and I was terrified to put myself as someone who can motivate others.  But then I remembered my first Biggest Loser program for the MOMS Club of Front Royal.  And how much I loved putting together the program and the challenges.  And I remember how I feel when I work out or hike with friends.  So I don't live in a big city where you hit the juice bar after yoga in the park.  And I don't have any certifications in training or nutrition.  But I do know how hard it is to make time for yourself.  And I know what its like to try and make your own health a priority when you have kids who take so much from you but give you so much more in return.

I guess where I am going with all of this is that - I still don't know what I want to be or do when I grow up.  But I have a lifetime to keep learning and growing and changing my mind.

Zac and I on the Woodstock Tower

Oh the guilt!

I started this blog as a way of holding myself accountable to make sure I was doing good - for myself - for my family - for my community.  And I definitely got off track (last post was in June!). And like anything else - instead of jumping right back into it, I procrastinated my way into a deep hole.  I am a terrible procrastinator!  Instead of facing things head on, I ignore them and hope they don't go away.  I actually did that with my bills when I was 19.  My mailman left a note me for to check my mail because it was getting too full.  Once I stopped fearing the task:  I sat down with all the bills, a calendar, and started planning.  I figured out when I could pay each bill (or a portion of each) and had an end date in sight.  And then I felt awesome!  Invincible!  Throw it at me - I can take it!  Too bad that feeling doesn't ever last.  Its like that saying that motivation doesn't last and neither does bathing - that's why we do it every day?

Luckily I am surrounded by awesome people who inspire and amaze me each day.  I have friends who tackle a workout that is daunting (Michelle blogs about it here), who plan meals and grocery shop with total efficiency, who start to minimize (check out my inspiration Kristin), who decide to tackle their finances and don't let little things get in their way.  Now obviously these people aren't perfect (and most of them don't blog so I can't link them) - but I see them as total inspirations and feel ready to try again.  You would think the overwhelming guilt I experience when I procrastinate would be enough motivation . . .

Credit

I will be 30 on October 10th.  I do not fear 30. I keep saying I am ready to take on a new decade.  I started my 20s working at a law firm, dating my darling guy, living with my sweet puppy, in my own apartment and still totally unsure of myself and what I should be doing.  Since then, I have had 3 kids, gotten married, bought a house, adopted a new home town, and tackled things that I would not have been able to imagine years earlier.

And while I don't expect my 30s to suddenly make things make sense - I am determined to take them on with a new mindset.  Yes, it is probably hard.  No, this first step won't be the only step.  Yes, there will be setbacks.  No, giving up is not easier.  I don't have a big plan.  As with anything - it is steps.  And I will applaud myself for each step and give myself full credit even if I only get 15 minutes done.  It will be sporadic right now - and that's just how I do it!

So here is what I am looking at:
 

Today I got up and worked out at 5:30am.  I didn't complete the workout before Liam came out coughing and asking to snuggle.  But I got most of it done.  Worked up a great sweat.  And didn't drag myself to the coffee pot.

Yesterday I planned meals and grocery shopped.  With a list.  For a lot of healthy foods to make healthy meals.  Tonight it is Country French Barley Vegetable Potage from The Plant Powered Diet.


 I also started going through the living room for items to donate to Front Royal Women's Resource Center's Yard Sale on October 13th (more on that later).  That day is also the Festival of Leaves downtown.  My oldest will be marching in the parade with his Cub Scouts troop. (Sooooo excited!)

On a more positive note:  check out my cute kids and the adorable moments when I wasn't blogging! 

Zac at a Front Royal Baseball Game

Liam at the fountains in the Inner Harbor, Baltimore

Apple Picking

Selling Cub Scout Popcorn

Tree Huggers at the Park

Life Goals

When I was in high school, a friend introduced me to the writings of Kahlil Gibran.  While his works were published during the first half of the 20^th century – his words resonated with me.  And I was a teenager who knew everything.  Some of his aphorisms from Sand and Foam have stuck with me for the last 15 years.  One of my favorites:

“Words are timeless.  You should utter them or write them with a knowledge of their timelessness.” 

Re-reading Sand and Foam now provided me with a different view of his thoughts and opinions.  I was no longer a teenager looking for an intellectual justification for my angst; I am now a “grown-up” and I am hoping to rediscover that which seized me when I was younger.  It seems I am now looking for that next step. What do I want to do?  I am a Mom – but my youngest is 2 and ready to take off and enter the world.  I have been casually looking for a part-time job in the evenings and weekends but there isn’t much around for someone with limited hours.  Beyond that – I want to do something. I want to act on my passions and find a way to support them and spread the word and feel like I am doing my part.  I happen to have some pretty amazing people in my life who have made choices for their lives and gone on to achieve some of their desires.

Work In Progress Gallery in SoHo

My brother-in-law John Carr is an artist.  Like a real artist.  He lives in NYC and designs for work (www.meetmark.com) and has recently been able to showcase his personal work at the Work In Progress Gallery in SoHo.  He has given us some paintings and drawings and we get to enjoy them in several rooms in our house. 

John has always been creating images and moved to New York 14 years ago to further his passion.  What an incredible feeling it must be to be great at something you love and to be able to do it everyday.  When asked about what steps he has taken to get there, John says, “Setting aside time after work. Staying focused on day to day goals is very important. A seemingly huge goal is much easier to look at when broken up into smaller ones. Accomplishments beget accomplishments, so I try to stay in that "loop" as much as possible.”  While John has encountered the inevitable set backs, he doesn’t believe it is beneficial to look back.  He has drawn on some words to remember to help him continue to reach his goals:  “You get out what you put in. Everything begins with a thought. Do what you love and you’ll never work a day in your life. Just do it. Focus on the positive and let the other stuff be.”  Check out some of John's work at jcinnyc.com.

 

My Grandma has always been able to pass on some great advice whether it was helping me through an argument with a friend when I was a teenager or helping to understand when Zac was diagnosed with autism.  What I didn’t know about her was that she had gone to college at age 48, and in nine years, while working full time, received her Bachelor’s and Master’s degrees.  It seems like such a huge undertaking – and it was!  But my Grandma knew that it would pay off in the end.  “I got very tired, but never thought about quitting – it just wasn’t an option.  I loved being in classes and found that the faculty preferred nontraditional students (i.e. old ones) because they were more passionate about learning and were determined to get their money’s worth.  My job involved working with students and their children, so being a student myself meant I could relate to them.  I wanted to be a good example.”  She had some serendipitous things happen that helped her achieve her goals and she advises, “I feel it is important to be open to the good things that come along, and to let others know if you have a need, even if they aren’t a logical person to help you – they may have the perfect answer to the problem.”  This is great for many of us who have a hard time sharing our struggles and asking for and accepting help.  

"A year from now you will wish you had started today" - Karen Lamb

My stepdad Richard set a lofty goal when he was in his twenties.  He decided that he wanted to be able to retire by the age of 48.  While he was in the Air Force, his brother Joseph encouraged him to apply for a job with the FAA.  Richard knew that he would be able to retire after 25 years with the FAA and he took extra steps to save money.  “I was determined to reach my goal regardless of obstacles. The largest obstacles I encountered were the air traffic controller’s strike in 1969 and 1981.  On both occasions I ignored extreme peer pressure and refused to go on strike.  I realized to do so would have jeopardized my job with the FAA.  My instincts were correct: several thousand air traffic controllers were fired as a result of the 1981 strike.”  I have learned from Richard that sometimes you have to make tough decisions and sacrifices in the short time in order to reach your long term goals.  He was able to retire a year early at age 47.

 

“You don’t have to be great to start, but you have to start to be great.” – Joe Sabah

Karen Whittaker is a Beachbody Coach, Mom, Wife, Blogger . . . the list goes on.  She always has great upbeat posts on Facebook and is one of those women who just seem to have it all together.  When I asked her about goals she passed on some really great tips.  She has set up her home business as a Beachbody Coach and it has taken some adjustments to figuring it all out.  She explains:  “One of the obstacles I've struggled with is trying to do too much. I had too many irons in the fire trying to find what worked for me. Now I've settled on three main components of my business to keep it moving forward successfully, while also building on my reputation for service. I suppose this is a learning experience a lot of people go through and it's best to find these things out for yourself. However, going forward in training people who join my team, I have a six week system, weekly homework for them to learn first, then explore, and then focus. In that way I hope to keep them from getting overwhelmed.  I also struggled with setting my goals too high. I have a busy life. My husband and I have three kids, I have a full time job...I put too much pressure on myself to get to a certain level in a hurry. I am realizing now that slow and steady really does win the race!”  To learn more about Karen and her brilliance check out her blog:  Karen Under Construction and her site www.karenwhittakerfitness.com

Some sites to check out:  Mindbloom and The Slight Edge.