Wednesday, March 5, 2014

Moving forward by looking back

So - I haven't posted in over a year and a half.  Part of it is being "busy" - - but "busy" really means "lazy" - - and the other part is a fear of admitting that I have been stuck in the same place for so long.  So - fresh start!  More than 2 years ago I wrote this post:  Antidepressants and Weight Gain  I stopped taking Zoloft after tearfully visiting my doctor and weighing in more than 20 lbs heavier.  I switched to a lower dose antidepressant, which still didn't help my situation.  Fast forward to January 2014.  I realized, during Sober January, that I hadn't taken my antidepressants in a few days.  I had previously read the amazing book:  The Chemistry of Joy and was really taken with the idea of different kinds of depression, different body types and personalities.  And the fact that the author had actually addressed the forbidden topic of side effects of antidepressants!  He did not recommend taking yourself off of a medication - such results could be very detrimental to your health- but he did discuss the initial euphoria and weight loss followed by lethargy and weight gain - that is commonly experienced when beginning an antidepressant.  It was amazing to me that others had experienced what I had.  It was also amazing to me the difference when I eventually took myself off the meds. . . All of the sudden I was my usual emotional self!  Not only did I tear up at Friends re-runs, but also at touching moments with my kids, interactions with other moms, commercials for iPhones . . . it was an emotion bonanza!  I think it took a while for my body to not be regulated.  Also I was able to very easily drop Diet Coke from my life as well as finally kicking dairy to the curb.  Do you know how embarrassing it is to call yourself vegan and then scarf down half a cheese pizza from Anthony's?

Credit- Buzzfeed

So here I am - now in March of 2014.  I have been really, truly vegan for nearly 2 months.  I haven't touched a Diet Coke nor swallowed a pill.  I am still balancing myself out - I had one of my mom's traditional "Scream and Cleans" today.  Not a proud moment!  But my kids did realize they have awesome toys and pretty spectacular imaginations that don't require batteries or screens.  I am still trying to find my way back to fit.  I am still trying to figure out what I want to do when I grow up.  I am still thinking a beer is the best way to wind down after a long day and a workout.
Credit - Amazon

I remember from The Chemistry of Joy that my type should take on activities that seem beyond their comfort level in an attempt to keep themselves engaged and motivated.  I would have laughed at you if you had suggested that before!  But I was at my most fit when I was doing two-a-days and when I was running 3 miles a day.  I was at my best taking on Pilates and strength and meeting each with a good attitude.  So that is what I need to do now.  I can push myself on the elliptical, I can up my weights or reps on machines, but what I really need is to take on a hike or a class or a run that I don't think I can handle and to complete it.  Maybe not at first and probably a pretty poor start - but it is a start all the same.  I love tracking my workouts in a little notebook in my bag and I love seeing when I really push myself and leave the gym dripping sweat.  Of course summer is coming!  Can't wait to plan day hikes with friends - those are the absolute best!

No comments:

Post a Comment