Thursday, September 27, 2012

Oh the guilt!

I started this blog as a way of holding myself accountable to make sure I was doing good - for myself - for my family - for my community.  And I definitely got off track (last post was in June!). And like anything else - instead of jumping right back into it, I procrastinated my way into a deep hole.  I am a terrible procrastinator!  Instead of facing things head on, I ignore them and hope they don't go away.  I actually did that with my bills when I was 19.  My mailman left a note me for to check my mail because it was getting too full.  Once I stopped fearing the task:  I sat down with all the bills, a calendar, and started planning.  I figured out when I could pay each bill (or a portion of each) and had an end date in sight.  And then I felt awesome!  Invincible!  Throw it at me - I can take it!  Too bad that feeling doesn't ever last.  Its like that saying that motivation doesn't last and neither does bathing - that's why we do it every day?

Luckily I am surrounded by awesome people who inspire and amaze me each day.  I have friends who tackle a workout that is daunting (Michelle blogs about it here), who plan meals and grocery shop with total efficiency, who start to minimize (check out my inspiration Kristin), who decide to tackle their finances and don't let little things get in their way.  Now obviously these people aren't perfect (and most of them don't blog so I can't link them) - but I see them as total inspirations and feel ready to try again.  You would think the overwhelming guilt I experience when I procrastinate would be enough motivation . . .
I will be 30 on October 10th.  I do not fear 30. I keep saying I am ready to take on a new decade.  I started my 20s working at a law firm, dating my darling guy, living with my sweet puppy, in my own apartment and still totally unsure of myself and what I should be doing.  Since then, I have had 3 kids, gotten married, bought a house, adopted a new home town, and tackled things that I would not have been able to imagine years earlier.
And while I don't expect my 30s to suddenly make things make sense - I am determined to take them on with a new mindset.  Yes, it is probably hard.  No, this first step won't be the only step.  Yes, there will be setbacks.  No, giving up is not easier.  I don't have a big plan.  As with anything - it is steps.  And I will applaud myself for each step and give myself full credit even if I only get 15 minutes done.  It will be sporadic right now - and that's just how I do it!
So here is what I am looking at:
Today I got up and worked out at 5:30am.  I didn't complete the workout before Liam came out coughing and asking to snuggle.  But I got most of it done.  Worked up a great sweat.  And didn't drag myself to the coffee pot.

Yesterday I planned meals and grocery shopped.  With a list.  For a lot of healthy foods to make healthy meals.  Tonight it is Country French Barley Vegetable Potage from The Plant Powered Diet.

 I also started going through the living room for items to donate to Front Royal Women's Resource Center's Yard Sale on October 13th (more on that later).  That day is also the Festival of Leaves downtown.  My oldest will be marching in the parade with his Cub Scouts troop. (Sooooo excited!)

On a more positive note:  check out my cute kids and the adorable moments when I wasn't blogging! 
Zac at a Front Royal Baseball Game
Liam at the fountains in the Inner Harbor, Baltimore
Apple Picking
Selling Cub Scout Popcorn

Tree Huggers at the Park