Finding My Fit

We have a cute neighborhood coffee shop, the Daily Grind, which has incredible dark coffees and cases full of sweets (including vegan options!) and it is just a cozy and wonderful place.  I love walking there with Liam on weekday mornings and I always envision us sitting together me with my coffee, him with his juice, people-watching, and sharing something ridiculously delicious.  It normally works out to me trying to keep him wrangled near the table without me spilling my coffee or tripping over a table leg.  We stopped in last week before browsing the thrift stores and an older gentleman started talking to me while I was putting up our dishes.  He began by telling me about a friend or relative who had written a computer program and ending up selling it to pay for college.  He kept saying that one day Liam was going to go to college and that computer science is where it’s at.  Being that Liam is only 2 (and was not doing a good job staying out of trouble) – I was trying to just be polite but ended up leaving with a lot to think about.  The moral of his story was to figure out what you want before you go to school.  He had thought about being an engineer - and before he took the steps to go to school - he sat down with 4 or 5 other engineers to ask them questions.  He wanted to know what they loved and what they would have done differently.  He said of the 5 only one was really helpful and it led him into a very interesting career as an engineer.  He said that his chosen field was limited to mostly military and government - so he didn't feel he had a lot of latitude if work wasn't around.  He words definitely struck me and I believe it is definitely something that everyone can benefit from.  

When you are a high school student, most conversations with adults revolve around college and your choices of schools, majors, minors, and all the rest.  I am sure I was asked these questions and I am sure I blew them off.  College never seemed an option for me.  I worked full time and didn’t want to think about more school when I couldn’t even think about the following weekend.  Finances were a part of it (although I know my family would have found a way if I really had my heart set) but it was more the huge decision of what I wanted to go to school for.  In my experience, it seemed you either knew what you wanted to do from around the age of 10 or you went to school hoping to figure it out on your journey.  And then there were those people who went to school and graduated only to be unable to find a job in their chosen field.  This was 10 years ago – I can only think things haven’t changed much.  So do you go to school with an idea of what you really want to do and then have a back-up plan (or 3)?  Or do you choose something you hope will still be a big field when you graduate?  It makes my stomach hurt.  How can a 17 or 18 year old make this kind of decision? 

I began working at a law firm when I was 20 and stayed there for 3 years.  I loved the attorneys I worked for and loved researching and liaising with clients (and using phrases like “liaising with clients”) but after 3 years I was about to have a baby and I realized that family law was too depressing.  I detested too many of the criminal law clients and all other kinds of law were too boring to even begin researching.  While I was busy with having two kids in 15 months, I didn’t think about work, let alone school.  Then when we were buying a house I watched lots of HGTV and I spent my waking moments trying to figure out how to make our house (and others) more perfect.  After writing the Biggest Loser program for our MOMS Club – I thought maybe health would be a career to pursue.  But then I got into this blog and realized how many great non-profits there are in my town alone.  So I think non-profit is where it is at.  One idea that has remained constant is the idea of helping. 

But non-profits are still such a wide range!  I have been researching and came across some websites and blogs (of course) and I have decided to join up with some of the non-profit groups in town.  The Humane Society of Warren County is obviously a very fitting choice for me – my Dad used to call me Ellie May as a little girl because I wanted to adopt every animal I saw.  Another group I am interested in is the FrontRoyal Women’s Resource Center.  They seem to be made up of such an interesting group of women whose goal is to help other women in all areas of their lives. 

I am looking forward to a 2012 that will hopefully send me down the right path – or at least shine some light on my options. I am ready to find my inspiration and get moving!

Life Goals

When I was in high school, a friend introduced me to the writings of Kahlil Gibran.  While his works were published during the first half of the 20^th century – his words resonated with me.  And I was a teenager who knew everything.  Some of his aphorisms from Sand and Foam have stuck with me for the last 15 years.  One of my favorites:

“Words are timeless.  You should utter them or write them with a knowledge of their timelessness.” 

Re-reading Sand and Foam now provided me with a different view of his thoughts and opinions.  I was no longer a teenager looking for an intellectual justification for my angst; I am now a “grown-up” and I am hoping to rediscover that which seized me when I was younger.  It seems I am now looking for that next step. What do I want to do?  I am a Mom – but my youngest is 2 and ready to take off and enter the world.  I have been casually looking for a part-time job in the evenings and weekends but there isn’t much around for someone with limited hours.  Beyond that – I want to do something. I want to act on my passions and find a way to support them and spread the word and feel like I am doing my part.  I happen to have some pretty amazing people in my life who have made choices for their lives and gone on to achieve some of their desires.

Work In Progress Gallery in SoHo

My brother-in-law John Carr is an artist.  Like a real artist.  He lives in NYC and designs for work (www.meetmark.com) and has recently been able to showcase his personal work at the Work In Progress Gallery in SoHo.  He has given us some paintings and drawings and we get to enjoy them in several rooms in our house. 

John has always been creating images and moved to New York 14 years ago to further his passion.  What an incredible feeling it must be to be great at something you love and to be able to do it everyday.  When asked about what steps he has taken to get there, John says, “Setting aside time after work. Staying focused on day to day goals is very important. A seemingly huge goal is much easier to look at when broken up into smaller ones. Accomplishments beget accomplishments, so I try to stay in that "loop" as much as possible.”  While John has encountered the inevitable set backs, he doesn’t believe it is beneficial to look back.  He has drawn on some words to remember to help him continue to reach his goals:  “You get out what you put in. Everything begins with a thought. Do what you love and you’ll never work a day in your life. Just do it. Focus on the positive and let the other stuff be.”  Check out some of John's work at jcinnyc.com.

 

My Grandma has always been able to pass on some great advice whether it was helping me through an argument with a friend when I was a teenager or helping to understand when Zac was diagnosed with autism.  What I didn’t know about her was that she had gone to college at age 48, and in nine years, while working full time, received her Bachelor’s and Master’s degrees.  It seems like such a huge undertaking – and it was!  But my Grandma knew that it would pay off in the end.  “I got very tired, but never thought about quitting – it just wasn’t an option.  I loved being in classes and found that the faculty preferred nontraditional students (i.e. old ones) because they were more passionate about learning and were determined to get their money’s worth.  My job involved working with students and their children, so being a student myself meant I could relate to them.  I wanted to be a good example.”  She had some serendipitous things happen that helped her achieve her goals and she advises, “I feel it is important to be open to the good things that come along, and to let others know if you have a need, even if they aren’t a logical person to help you – they may have the perfect answer to the problem.”  This is great for many of us who have a hard time sharing our struggles and asking for and accepting help.  

"A year from now you will wish you had started today" - Karen Lamb

My stepdad Richard set a lofty goal when he was in his twenties.  He decided that he wanted to be able to retire by the age of 48.  While he was in the Air Force, his brother Joseph encouraged him to apply for a job with the FAA.  Richard knew that he would be able to retire after 25 years with the FAA and he took extra steps to save money.  “I was determined to reach my goal regardless of obstacles. The largest obstacles I encountered were the air traffic controller’s strike in 1969 and 1981.  On both occasions I ignored extreme peer pressure and refused to go on strike.  I realized to do so would have jeopardized my job with the FAA.  My instincts were correct: several thousand air traffic controllers were fired as a result of the 1981 strike.”  I have learned from Richard that sometimes you have to make tough decisions and sacrifices in the short time in order to reach your long term goals.  He was able to retire a year early at age 47.

 

“You don’t have to be great to start, but you have to start to be great.” – Joe Sabah

Karen Whittaker is a Beachbody Coach, Mom, Wife, Blogger . . . the list goes on.  She always has great upbeat posts on Facebook and is one of those women who just seem to have it all together.  When I asked her about goals she passed on some really great tips.  She has set up her home business as a Beachbody Coach and it has taken some adjustments to figuring it all out.  She explains:  “One of the obstacles I've struggled with is trying to do too much. I had too many irons in the fire trying to find what worked for me. Now I've settled on three main components of my business to keep it moving forward successfully, while also building on my reputation for service. I suppose this is a learning experience a lot of people go through and it's best to find these things out for yourself. However, going forward in training people who join my team, I have a six week system, weekly homework for them to learn first, then explore, and then focus. In that way I hope to keep them from getting overwhelmed.  I also struggled with setting my goals too high. I have a busy life. My husband and I have three kids, I have a full time job...I put too much pressure on myself to get to a certain level in a hurry. I am realizing now that slow and steady really does win the race!”  To learn more about Karen and her brilliance check out her blog:  Karen Under Construction and her site www.karenwhittakerfitness.com

Some sites to check out:  Mindbloom and The Slight Edge. 

 

Fitness Goals

If you open any magazine right now, you will read about a Great Get Fit Plan for 2012.  You are going to be healthy and full of energy on your quest to a bikini body!  You will also find articles about making goals and sticking to them (ahem), recipes that will wow, achieving the perfect night’s sleep, how to make more money, and better sex!  But let’s face it – if everyone who read the articles followed the advice and became perfect – we wouldn’t need magazines.  Success at anything requires more than just reading an article and following the steps.  There is something in you that must click before it will all work. 

I am reading this amazing book right now:  A Hand to Guide Me by Denzel Washington.  Yes – that Denzel Washington.  It has stories of being inspired by someone in your life whether it is a parent, coach, or neighbor.  It shows how much impact a conversation can have.  What a difference a little encouragement can make.  How everyone needs a push in the right direction.  Even someone with a lot of drive to succeed had a moment in their life, or someone in their life, and they had a turning point where they knew that they could do more. 

I am hoping that I am finding a turning point now.  Switching to a vegan diet has done a lot for my energy and my spirit and I am ready to move on to the next step.  My friend Jill recommended I sign up for a race or sport to foster my competitive spirit, have something to hold myself accountable (like a race date or team counting on me), and have set goals to reach for (like a training program or practice schedule).  Since I am not athletic and I actually enjoyed running three years ago (before my heart literally rebelled) I have decided to run a 5K on February 25.  Jill is going to help with a training schedule and I am so excited!

Exercise has so many benefits that it seems like a no-brainer.  Besides getting in shape physically – exercise benefits your heart and brain and your other insides.  Regular exercise helps with depression, stress and anxiety, insomnia, low energy, and so much more.  But sometimes it’s hard to get off the couch or make time in our schedules for it.  So I want to bring you some stories of others who did – set and reached their fitness goals.

My friend Andi is amazing.  I totally want to be her when I grow up.   She is a Mom, wife, Realtor®, blogger (check out The FroRo I Know), and still finds time to work out.  She set a goal to complete a half-marathon in under 3 hours and began a 12 week training program.  She had to run at least three times a week on non-consecutive days and sometimes had a hard time fitting in her long runs on Saturdays (I don't know why - she doesn't have anything else going on).  Andi realized that having a running buddy would have helped her deal with running longer than 5 miles and when asked about what she would have done differently she says, "I would have trained 4:1 intervals (4mins run, 1min walk) as this is how I ran the race and it felt great.  I would have had great running shoes from The Running Store from the get go. I would have run a few smaller races during training.  All in all I came in at 2:38 about a 12minute mile for 13.1 miles... it was a great sense of accomplishment and I will do it again next year."

My Aunt Rebecca also took on a fitness venture - in the name of charity.  She participated in the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer several years ago.  The event was 60 miles in three days and she had to also raise $1900.  Through support with the program, friends and family, my Aunt Rebecca was able to finish the walk and raise over $3000!  "I had a pulled hamstring in the middle of my training (and in the middle of a 10 mile training walk). I learned that I couldn't slack off in my daily training and try to make it up on the weekend.  Also - on the 3rd day of the actual walk I had 4 huge blisters. I walked 16 miles, each step painful, just by reminding myself of what was waiting for me at the end -- my family!"  

My Mom is definitely someone who has inspired her friends and family in the name of fitness and health.  I remember her beginning to walk around a neighborhood track and then start to run.  She ended up taking on a job as a certified personal trainer and aerobics instructor and then was the manager of a gym.  She once led my friend and I through an ab workout when we were 13.  Our stomachs were so sore the next day it hurt to laugh!  When I asked her about goals, she filled me in on how she has kept it all up through several major set backs (including foot and knee surgery) as well as maintaining an exercise habit through busy work and family schedules.  "Training for races by setting a structured work out schedule was always fun for me and motivating.  I use a calendar to mark off my daily work outs and hate to see blank days.  If it is an intentional rest day, I will write that down."  She explains:  "All the goals I have set with fitness are not the end of the road.  It is a constant journey without a finish line.  To live a healthy lifestyle is not a set weight or single achievement.  There are ups and downs - on the scale, with time and other life issues - that one needs to adjust to. The biggest issue seems to be gaining and regaining balance. How do you measure that?"

http://www.squawkfox.com/2009/01/06/free-printable-workout-log/

Weight Loss Stories - Part 2

Time for some more inspiring stories of weight loss and health embracing!  I always enjoy hearing how others are able to do it.  Whether starting with a big number to lose or facing debilitating conditions – everyone is different. And everyone’s weight loss approaches seem to be different as well.    Sure – there are the basics:

-         Calories in and calories out

-         Eat more vegetables and whole grains

-         Steer clear of saturated and trans fat as well as artificial ingredients and processed foods.

-         Exercise most days for at least 30 minutes

Some people find success by eating smaller meals, more often.  Others enjoy a tough workout and then find their appetite naturally diminished while others find themselves starving after a run.  Some can enjoy beer or wine and decadent foods, while others have to eliminate them except for a very occasional treat.

So here are some more weight loss success stories and tips!

Two women I have connected with on the Daily Challenge keep me smiling every day with their posts.  Kim shares lots of information about health and the body and mind.  I look forward to her insight every morning!  And she speaks from a position of experience.  Kim has lost 43 pounds and 33 inches (4 sizes!).  She initially set a weight loss goal but exceeded her goal by losing more weight than she originally intended.  Kim’s journey included 4 friends who made accountability calls each week.  Knowing that others were in it with her helped keep her focused.  She and her friends shared a coach who helped answer questions and guide them.  Kim’s words of wisdom about obstacles are too good to not pass on:  “With obstacles, if you set your mind to it, you can work your way around it. There are always ways to get over, under or around obstacles. It just takes effort. As to set backs, you can't let them hold you back. You only took a step backwards, you didn't turn around 180 degrees to go the other direction. You have to get back up and take another step forward. It's all in the way you think.”

Another Daily Challenge friend is Khris.  We originally connected because she is a mom to boys (now men) and is also a vegetarian.  She always has something positive to share and I love hearing about her day.  Khris has lots of achievements to share but decided to focus on her recent weight loss.  Khris lost 10 pounds after deciding to get in better shape and get healthier.  Laughing, she explains, “Oh, yeah - I REALLY wanted to get rid of my flabby arms! That's where it all started!”  Khris found success through researching (reading books, watching videos, looking into exercises) and drinking water.  She had a hard time with drinking water – never liked it – so she found Hint water and enjoyed that until she was able to tolerate regular water.  The one change Khris would make would be to start focusing on her health younger.

My Mom works at a company that really focuses on health.  She actually creates and presents some of their health programs (and has helped me with my Biggest Loser Programs).  Some of her co-workers agreed to share their stories. 

Denise joined a Biggest Loser group session in January of 2010 with a goal to lose 30 pounds and participate in a 5K.  She created a plan for herself and says “In order to accomplish my goals I made a promise to myself that I would go to every work out and commit to working out at least 5 times per week outside of the group. I did my first mile and my time was 29 minutes! I kept that time in mind and set goals for weekly runs to shave time off. In ten weeks I got my mile to 11.07.”  Some tools she used to help her along the way were a food log and calorie counting as well as a vision board to keep her goal in mind.  As for setbacks, she faced a major one:  “I injured my back in July and it has been a major setback. I had to have surgery in November and have been unable to work out for months. I worked so hard to change and start living healthy and this injury threw me back into bad habits. It is easy to give in. I have started to refocus. I created a new vision board and set goals to get back to the shape I was in before my injury. I have signed up to do a half-marathon in April!!!”  Denise found that she did have to adjust her goal and she lost an incredible 42 pounds and 23.75 inches after 10 weeks.

Cindy’s highest weight was 285 pounds and she never imagined herself competing in a race.  She just completed her fourth 5K on her birthday in December.  She felt that this was the best gift she could give to herself and has repeatedly reminded herself along the way that everyday is a Clean Slate.  (Side note:  Tabula rasa is one of the only things I retained from 4 years of Latin).  Cindy says, “Start fresh.  Take a deep breath and move on.  I learned to believe in myself.  I can do this.  I want to be healthy.”  She has lost 50 pounds since the beginning of her journey and knows that she has more to go – but I think we can all agree she has a great start and the right mindset to get there. 

Tomorrow I hope to be hangover free and to bring you some stories of fitness goals as well as those who have reached some pretty big life goals.

Happy New Year!

Weight Loss Stories - Part 1

On this last day of the year, I am excited to bring you inspiring stories of weight loss that some friends and family members have shared.  In the days to come, I will also introduce you to tales of retiring early, going back to school, competing in races, and pursing a dream.  Yes – I am ridiculously lucky to have these amazing people in my life!

Let’s start with two ladies who decided to make time for their health and joined Weight Watchers®.  Rachel is a local business owner who had set a goal to lose 100 pounds after she gave birth the second time.  In order to achieve this, she says “I went to meetings every week. I followed all steps and rules. I made it a challenge. I embraced competition.”  Rachel was able to meet her goal of losing 100 pounds without changing her end goal and by looking into herself to know what it was she needed and desired.  Looking back, the only change she would make:  “I would not have made it a goal, but a life long achievement.”  Seriously incredible!

Dina-Marie and I connected on the Daily Challenge.  When I learned she was a health coach I was beyond excited.  Imagine being able to have a job that helps others find their healthiest self?  You can learn more about this here.  Dina-Marie also joined Weight Watchers® with a goal of losing 90 pounds by attending every meeting for a year.  She has made it halfway to her weight loss goal and did follow through with attending every meeting for a year.  Dina-Marie knew that baby steps were the best plan of action for her.  She received words of encouragement if she had gained weight at a meeting and lots of pats on the back from friends and family while she lost.  Steering clear of vending machines and incorporating healthy snacks has helped with her food struggles.  Dina-Marie is continuing her aspiration and says “I wouldn't do anything differently because this is life and life is a journey.  I believe things happen for a reason, so I accept those reasons and try to move forward.  Life is a series of decisions.  Don't like the last one you just made?  Make another one.  It’s OK.  You don't need permission from anyone.”

My dad and step-mom found themselves on a heart-healthy diet after Nancy had emergency gall-bladder surgery.  Following guidelines of what to eat and what not to eat led my dad to “Completely change the food buying/eating habits we'd built over a lifetime. Knowing that it was not only good for us but deciding that we would be eating this way the REST OF OUR LIVES was very important. Trying fresh fruits and vegetables that I'd never tried, but found that I did like them, was a fun surprise. I'd often eaten whole grains and the more the merrier, so that part wasn't hard.”  My dad lost 60 pounds, putting him back at his high school waist size, and my step-mom (who used to have to try to gain weight) is feeling better, swimming, and looking great!

A super motivating friend from the MOMS Club surprised me when she answered my goal questions by saying that she had wanted to lose 40 pounds before getting pregnant.  (Yes – before she got pregnant.) Madeline looks fantastic and is a warrior in the gym so I couldn’t believe she was ever not in shape.  She started with the Discovery Health Challenge and then joined a gym.  Madeline’s advice for getting started and keeping it up:  “I worked with a trainer at first just to introduce me to the machines. But the biggest step was trying any and all classes that the gym offered. It is very important that you find something that you really enjoy so you will stick with it for life. I fell in love with kick-boxing and weight training.  But it is also important to remember that your body gets used the exercise that you do all the time so make sure to switch it up. This will also help you not to get bored with the same types of exercise.”  After reaching her goal – and getting pregnant with an incredible little girl – she only had to lose 20 pounds of pregnancy weight. Madeline was a regular at the Gold’s Gym here before moving to New York and I am sure she is wowing them up there.  One thing she would change?  “I would have enjoyed meeting my milestones more. You work so hard to reach your goal and then when you get there you don’t stop to congratulate yourself.”  

More weight loss stories to come!

Setting Goals: The steps

I have been procrastinating writing about goals.  Doesn’t bode well for my New Year!  Every time I start to write – I decide I need to research.  I generally find the same information from lots of different sources so I think I need to dig deeper.  I get sidetracked and then the natives get restless – how many times do these boys need to eat anyway?  Am I that fun that they want me to play with them so much?

So, despite the general advice being so similar, I did find some very inspirational stories that I hope to share in the next couple of days.  I am also excited to share some stories from people I adore and admire!

Now for the basic tenets of goal setting:

1.        Set a specific goal with a timeline.  (For example – I will lose 10 pounds and increase my energy through regular exercise by March.)  To determine your goal you need to do your own research:

a.     Visit your health care provider to get a workup/physical.  Determine your weight, blood pressure, blood sugar, cholesterol, body fat percentage, etc.  Letting your doctor in on your desires will help keep you from taking on anything too drastic or unhealthy.

b.     Check in with reputable sources online to determine a healthy/happy weight, BMI, etc.  I love self.com (SELF: Happy Weight, SELF:  Ideal Weight), but there are countless other sites that can help guide you.

c.     Talk to others who have been there, done that.  These can be people in your life or on social networking and support sites.  And of course I will be passing on some very wise words from people who have been doing it!

2.        Determine your plan of attack! 

a.     Trying to lose 30 pounds?  Break it down to 1-2 pounds lost a week.  Find new recipes and add whole grains and veggies to your meals.  Try some new exercises and log it all.

b.     Trying to de-clutter your home?  Have a room-by-room or section-by-section break down.  Arrange weekly trips to the thrift store (say every Wednesday) or schedule a pick-up for big pieces.  Don’t forget to get tax receipts!  Another good idea is to plan a swap or yard sale with friends.  Nothing like a deadline to get you moving.

c.     Trying to sleep more?  Buy room darkening shades or a sound machine.  Start writing your worries down before bed.  Take a bath before turning in to bring down your body temperature (signaling sleep).  Make your room a tech free zone – this includes TVs, iThings, laptops, smart phones, etc.  Go to bed 15 minutes earlier every few days.

3.        Visualize.  This was such a great tip!  It helps weed out what you think you want versus what you really desire.  Whether it is getting back to your high school weight (probably not practical) or someone else’s opinion of you (doesn't really matter!) – you need to figure out what is right for you - your body, mind and health.

a.     Experts recommend visualizing yourself going through the steps and then achieving your goal daily.  Ideally upon waking, mid day, and again before bed. 

b.     Inspiration boards are really helpful.  Fill one with images and quotes that move you. 

c.     Make it personal:  whether it is a picture or memory that brings you joy – find a way to remind yourself often.  You might not have been a size 2 during a weekend trip with your girlfriends – but you may have tried things you wouldn’t normally try or put yourself first.  Tap into that!

d.     A mantra you can repeat and post in areas you see frequently (bathroom mirror, dashboard, computer screen) will help remind you of your goal.  This should be a positive statement!  Saying “I don't want to be fat" will not help you reach your goal.  Repeating “I am strong” or “I deserve health” will give you something to draw on.

e.     Ask friends and family to tell you what they think your positive attributes are.  Write them down (or have them do it!) and keep it in a positive file.  I got this tip on the Daily Challenge though Me You Health (https://challenge.meyouhealth.com/).  These people have helped me make great strides for myself – and I haven’t met a single one!  A very positive place to visit.

f.    The key to visualizing is being realistic and positive.  I have had Olivia Wilde up on my board for a while before realizing that I will never be as thin as she is.  And that the qualities I admire in her (besides her ridiculous good looks) are her drive and her attitude toward health.  She does yoga and eats thoughtfully and when I think healthy – that is what I envision.  You can’t photo-shop that!

4.        Share and ask for help.  This is definitely an important step.  I had a hard time sharing goals because, it seemed to me, I was inviting others to watch me fail.  But this blog showed me that it helps to hold me accountable.  Your friends and family can help support you in your efforts.  

a.     If you want to get to sleep earlier – letting your spouse or roommate know will make it easier to say no to a marathon of Storage Wars.  If you are trying to eat healthier – letting your family know will help at gatherings.  Again – positive is best!  Don’t turn this into the blame game or a chance to criticize someone else.  If your Mom makes fantastic, albeit less than healthy, food – ask if you can bring a healthy, delicious dish to share.  Use “I” statements and ask for their support for you.  I have decided to go vegan after 9 months of vegetarianism, but I definitely won’t be discussing animal rights at the next family dinner!  This is not a time to alienate – most people are more open to trying new things if you bring a positive, no pressure, approach. 

b.     You might find new allies.  I was excited last year to find that many of my friends in the MOMS Club were willing to walk with me.  We had stroller brigades walking to the river and back and we hosted workouts in my backyard.  A Facebook page helped us motivate each other and share tips and seek advice.

c.     Another way to gain from sharing is by signing up for a trainer, joining a class at the gym, enlisting a friend as a workout buddy, or volunteering at the animal shelter to walk dogs.  When you know there is someone else counting on you – it makes it easier to make the choice to do it.

5.        Track it.  There are many ways to do this:

a.     Food/Exercise/Sleep Logs – this lets you look back and see how much you have done.  Some people do this online, others in a notebook, whatever works for you.  Write down what you did or ate, how you felt, what you want to do next. 

b.     To Do List – Some people thrive on lists.  These can be short or long term.  It can entail what you want to do or what you already have done.

c.     Calendaring – A literal calendar where you jot what you want to do or what you have done.  For example:  Planning your workouts or de-cluttering schedule or noting what you have accomplished.  I loved tracking my runs (distance and time) on a calendar and it came in handy when I was having heart trouble because I could say – heart trouble after 3.3 miles.

6.        Reach your goal or Modify.  Some very wise, successful people don’t believe you need to modify your goals.  You set it and reach it, overcoming obstacles along the way.  I think that this is kind of like how you forget how awful childbirth was the moment you get to hold your little angel in your arms.  Then with the next pregnancy you remember and wonder how you got yourself into this again.  So – it’s up to you!  Sometimes you might realize that your goal was a little too lofty and scale it back a bit.  Other times you might surpass your goal and keep on going.  You need to be judge of this!  If you aimed for a size 4 only to realize that you are a really sexy 6 or if you wanted to train for a half-marathon only to realize that a triathlon would be way cooler – let you heart, mind, and soul guide you.

Family Matters

I have never had the in-law problems that are such popular fodder for blogs and sitcoms.  My husband’s mom passed away from breast cancer when he was 10 and I have always had a good relationship with my father-in-law.  I am also lucky enough to have 3 amazing brothers-in-law (by the way:  brothers-in-law is such an annoying phrase to use).  We were all friends before Tim and I were Tim and I and we have remained so since.  No drama there!

I have managed to steer clear of drama in my family for the most part as well.  My parents are divorced, so our family is big and separate with lots of steps and significant others that have come and gone.  So, while I encountered some family drama this holiday season, I know I am one of the lucky ones.

And now I find myself wondering – how does everyone else do it?  Families have such varying personalities with such a history.  Everyone knew everyone else way back when and has seen each other in some of their worst moments.  And then everyone gets together at high stress times like weddings and funerals and holidays.  Put everyone and their spouses and kids in a room, shake, and add alcohol.  I picture a small town where you can’t avoid Sally (even though you keyed her car when she broke up with you) at the post office because where else will you be able to pick up your package?   Or high school – because everything matters in high school and one little mistake can blow up huge.  And Never. Goes. Away.

So what do people do with family drama?  Do you bite your tongue until the drive home when you rant and rave about everything to your spouse?  Do you hold it together until your third drink when you start to tell others how you really feel?  Is there a persona you put on before visiting family?  How do others handle the inevitable? 

And what about after the drama?  Does everyone pretend it never happened?  Do they tease and joke until it is just a quirky memory or do they chalk it up to one too many glasses of wine or a poor night’s sleep on the sofa bed (you know the one with the spring that jabs you in the kidney no matter how you lay)?

I look at my three boys and know (from my super referee experience) that there will be times when I am trying to pull them together while they are pushing each other away.  My siblings and I always came together when we needed to.  Whether it was keeping someone out of serious hot water or just getting the house clean before my Mom came home from work – we had each other’s back.  It’s funny as a Mom, to think that if they are teaming up to deceive me or avoid prosecution, that I have done something right!  I know that there is a sibling bond – it was evident whenever we brought a new little one home from the hospital.  Zac and Kyle definitely had it right away, even when Kyle threw Zac’s bear in the toilet – and when Zac threw Liam’s duck in the toilet.  At least they didn’t take their newborn brother and throw them in the toilet!  And you see it still when one is sick or upset – there is that sweet moment of caring before the advantage is seen and they swoop in for the momentarily forgotten light saber or computer.  Who knows what will come in the future?  But I do know that if my boys are still on speaking terms in their 20s and 30s – the kids will be alright.